you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
