yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
