I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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