If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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