Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
