I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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