Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
