I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
