is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Let's paint friendship bongs
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
