well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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