Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
