i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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