yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
