honey bunches of taint.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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