enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
