hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
