he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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