I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
