Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
