Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
