great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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