For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
