Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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