My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
