so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
