I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
