I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
