Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i think my mom watched the whole time
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
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Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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