You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
