His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
