At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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