as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
