Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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