okay pat passed out under dana's car
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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