so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Randomize
