The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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