I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
