Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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