I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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