I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
