I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
