erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?