Texts From Last Night

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  (224): View more from Illinois

  The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.

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  (224): The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal. http://tfl.nu/xpa1
  Replies (23) Good night (725) Bad night (4402)
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  (650): View more from California

  Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.

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  (650): Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us. http://tfl.nu/ztab
  Replies (31) Good night (14027) Bad night (1083)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.

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  (580): I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/vucu
  Replies (18) Good night (6837) Bad night (1001)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.

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  (+64): If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it. http://tfl.nu/njzt
  Replies (18) Good night (5061) Bad night (890)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?

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  (203): He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him? http://tfl.nu/bxd1
  Replies (24) Good night (1860) Bad night (5177)
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  (619): View more from California

  Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex

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  (619): Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex http://tfl.nu/ckpn
  Replies (15) Good night (3396) Bad night (1148)
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  (914): View more from New York

  does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?

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  (914): does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up? http://tfl.nu/cmpo
  Replies (30) Good night (2980) Bad night (3602)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.

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  (608): We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me. http://tfl.nu/8edb
  Replies (4) Good night (1323) Bad night (684)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you

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  (920): June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you http://tfl.nu/uk7y
  Replies (9) Good night (1373) Bad night (463)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.

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  (210): Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie. http://tfl.nu/l6yr
  Replies (2) Good night (865) Bad night (481)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Can I color on your dick again?

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  (907): Can I color on your dick again? http://tfl.nu/t2pd
  Replies (12) Good night (1347) Bad night (579)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.

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  (785): I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend. http://tfl.nu/8tu9
  Replies (3) Good night (905) Bad night (538)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.

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  (316): Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try. http://tfl.nu/jxdr
  Replies (2) Good night (928) Bad night (560)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"

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  (202): I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later" http://tfl.nu/n53s
  Replies (0) Good night (649) Bad night (301)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?

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  (610): Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko? http://tfl.nu/8pln
  Replies (2) Good night (375) Bad night (358)

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