i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.