Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch