I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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