I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
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He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.