Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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