i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
