you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
