I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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