maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
