you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
