ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
