It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
