i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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