i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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