are you still at the devil's house?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
