Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
