Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
