Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
