He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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