Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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