isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize