I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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