so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
