Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just threw up on my dentist
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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