i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
