Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
