but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
