I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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