Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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