Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
