I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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