I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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