Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
