dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
