Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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