planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
