She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
